Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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