I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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