my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
