His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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