How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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