I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
