these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
