haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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