I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
