Dual....:-)
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
PS: I just woke up from my shower
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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