I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
