I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
