So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
