hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
