So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
