Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
