I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
we should paint friendship bongs
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
