i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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