At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
