it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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