can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
