I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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