The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
