I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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