so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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