i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
They took my balls.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
