The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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