i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
