I haven't been this sober since birth.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
