the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
