Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
