Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
