Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
