It was confusing and full of hummus
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
