Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
