You're my little dorito
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
