I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
