I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
