she was so not down for the gang bang
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
