Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
