Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
