and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
