dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
