I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Boobs are out for the taking
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
