Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
