he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
