I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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