But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
