Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
