he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
