At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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