I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
