Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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