found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
