I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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